Cyber Cauldron

As a pagan I understand that death is a natural part of life and I also know that death is not a sudden end to existence. More so at the time of Samhain does my mind wanders to the lose that I have felt in my life just recently I lost my mother to cancer.

As a pagan my heart and spiritually know that this was a natural even and in some way I was glad she was out of pain. But no matter what I felt and knew as a spiritual being, I lashed out at family, friends and the world. I cried and wailed got angry and was sad and at many times through this emotional turmoil I was hit with moments where my goddess sustained me, and other where I felt so alone.

Death is a natural state and is very easy to deal with, I am almost sure that every faith that as a after life in it belief structure help us come to terms with death but the problem is that they don’t help us deal with the lose we feel

Dealing with lose is a personal thing and does not always happen immediately following a death and does not have a time scale to when it going to be over. Dealing with lose is called the grieving process and everyone goes through this process.

The Grieving process contain 5 basic stages which a person has to go through these stages do not always come in order and sometime a person may repeat one or more of the processes. These 5 stages of grieving is called the Kübler-Ross model and was introduced by by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters.

The five stages of grieving

1.Denial – “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”

Denial is usually only a temporary defence for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of positions and individuals that will be left behind after death.

2.Anger – “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”

Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.

3.Bargaining – “Just let me live to see (person). One more time”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years with ….”;

The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone, delay or there is someway of reversing death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time…”

4.Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die… What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”

During the fourth stage, the person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

5.Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well deal with getting on with my life.”

In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with his mortality or that of his loved one.

If you have experienced a lose it always help to talk about the person you have lost good times and bad this helps the person remain real in your heart and mind. Try to celebrate their life rather than mourn their passing. Grieve in your own way and accept that it’s a natural part of dealing with lose.

When you are ready to face the lose, and after grieving period show honour to your lost ones in what ever form you feel is appropriate.

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