Inspired by a walk
As I felt today was to much of a day to waste sitting indoors at the PC I decided to go for a walk and connect with some divine inspiration from the moment I sacrificed a day of work to a higher purpose my mind speed to the idea of love, life and being me.
As soon as I decided that today was going to be a wash I put some music on had a dance and a jiggle and sung really badly along as I ran the hover around and as I was cleaning my life and my lovers ran through my mind. Along that journey there have been a few lovers some that lasted many years others that lasted mere weeks (days) but as I remembered the god and bad relationships I had no regrets (although at the time I did).
As the day went on the thought of love filled my mind and my mind wandered to a Facebook fan Lynne and her impending hand fasting anniversary and started to think about the effort that we put into our relationships.
And I began to think of my best friend and the closeness of our relationship how we can be so attuned even when we are on different wavelengths and the wonder I share just by being near her and her family. Being that I don’t have much of a family myself I realise that she helped to complete many of my dreams and hopes.
As a gay man I will never be a dad or have that perfect view of what life is meant to be, the role as a child that I was expected to grow into. So I started to question my life and at the mo not perfect just like everyone else.
As I looked at the ups and downs of my life I began to see a understanding of who I was, not what I was or what I would become, but who I was, I realised I was alone.
Now alone does not mean lonely I means I was alone! Unique! One of a kind I know this because of my path so it was no big shock.
But as these thought of uniqueness filled my mind I began to think of religion and since I have a wide knowledge of other belief systems (I am not an expert) as well as my own I started to think why do we follow a divinity I know science tells us that we are hard wired to believe in something higher and as a pagan I know I am a child of the goddess I am part of the divine I am the divine a true star child.
As I thought of other beliefs I occurred to me that the new religions are the most violent. us a pagan had our violent times (human and animal sacrifice) but we evolved and now today we range from fluffy bunny pagans to militant pagans who will do what is necessary! unless it causes harm!!!!
I then began to think of my own mortality, which is strange for me as I try to live each day of my life as if it was my last. I try to see the beauty in all people and things and realised that death would soon be with me so I started to think of my regrets and I spent ages going over my life and my failings which was really hard as I pick an event in my life that caused me pain I saw the reaction and the pleasure it created.
I came home not sure what to write about next I had a list ideas but no starting point so I when back on the cyber cauldron face book page and read over the responses and like cyber cauldron had. And my thought where drawn to Lynne and her comments and this is a woman I have never met. But her profile pic reminds me of a far of time a past life may be who knows.
And as you all who are reading this now I was wondering what the point of today was what did I learn what secrete would be opened to me… but nothing inspirational came so got on loaded the dishwasher and put some music on ok not going to say what I was playing but as I was singing along I got hooked on a line from the song which was “The flowers smell sweeter the closer you are to the grave” and it all feel into place it is only when we are so far from birth that we can tasted death that we start to savour life and give it some value. But we all see new life as precious some time more than our own.
But we fear death and the unknown it is only as we age to we learn to appreciate the life we have and work towards dying instead of running and hiding from it can we truly have a life that is worthy.
This idea is found in all religions so accept life and death and only by accepting death can you have a life.
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Originally posted 2010-10-07 17:21:48. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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