One of the often-asked questions is about how exactly did I, as a pagan got started?
As a child I grew up like most of us in a city, but I never felt connected to the place. I found at a young age that I felt more grounded and relaxed whenever I was out along the river or better still, outside the city in a huge park or the woodland where deer roamed freely.
Visiting those places was always like removing a heavy restrictive coat. Of course at such a young age (I am talking 7 or 8 years old), I did not get it or even really think about it. I just knew I felt better out under the trees or by a riverside. I should explain that I had no religion – my family were never inclined to any system of faith – my only exposure being at school with the dull morning assemblies with their hymn singing! So I had no preconceived ideas of divinity or religion, I just always found the teachings of Christianity dry and colourless.
As I grew older into my teens I did all the usual things a big kid does. I played rugby and basketball, got heavily into Martial Art, and studied old books on woodcraft, I found in a tatty old second hand shop. Although popular at school inside I felt a growing sense of something missing in my life, but didn’t know what it was.
I spent more and more time out of the city, in the woodlands, learning woodcraft and more about nature in all aspects. Sun, rain, sleet or snow I would be out in the woods – and I loved it.
A voracious reader, I found myself looking for the answers to my life. The problem was I didn’t really know what the questions were! At 18 event took place that change my perception of the world, people and myself, and I found myself in the darkest of existences – lost and alone.
Books were still important to me and I gradually found myself reading about the world religions, and actually reading the books of faith themselves, (the Bible, Quoran, dhammapada, Bhagavad Gita etc)
It seemed to me that all of these faiths had much that spoke to me – but none sang to my soul. Fed up, I gave up, but still read books on ancient civilisations, cultures, social structures etc. During this time I became interested in early Anglo Saxon settlers here in Briton and discovered that the Anglo peoples where called Engle – and were the original English! Fascinated, I took to researching these people, their homes, clothes, agriculture and hunting, weapons and methods of war, their social organisation – and of course their religion, And their I found my spiritual home!
I’d been trained in martial arts for, by then most of my life, I’d had been given my first set of runes at 16, and connected with them from the first, the woodcraft I’d learnt, my love of nature etc – all of a sudden I understood! All my life their had been signs pointing me in the right direction – I just had not seen what was under my nose!
I explored in everyway I could, the more I learnt the more I felt I’d come home.
On the 21st March 1990 a dark, rainy night I formally dedicated my self to my faith and the Gods and Goddess therein, almost straight away the life long feeling of their being something missing vanished.
The past 20 years have been one of both outer and inner exploration. The runes I first had when I was 16 became worn down, and my interest had begun to move from the Norse Elder Furhrak to the Anglo Saxon Futhorc – From 24 runes to 33! My path is Northern Tradition, Anglo Saxon / Old English Runic and many years ago came across The word Oslac (one who sacrifices to god (/ divine)) and began using it as an easier label for the spiritual path I live.
I’ve done things the hard way, or in my view the right way! Finding my Fetch / fulgya /Spirit animal / totem etc took several attempts where I fasted, deprived my self of sleep and water, meditated for hours everyday and performed rune chants and rune stances until I collapsing. I became ill several times but persevered until – on actually giving in! I succeeded! I believe that we cannot truly be given gifts spiritually – we must earn them through practice.
As I’ve grown older I often look back and shake my head at some of the more austere rites I put myself through. How ever, my path has always been a warriors path, hardship and strife are both a test and a tempering of the spirit and let face it, if your not prepared to actually work for your knowledge who are you kidding? I understand my opinion isn’t necessarily right for everyone.
I once met a man calling himself a “Rune Master”. On equiring as to how long he’d been studying runes, I was told he’d been a rune user for 10 years! I explained that I’d been studying runes for, at the time, 23 years – and still only considered myself reasonably adept in them – so how did he justify the title of master? I don’t think he like me!
I understand that there are as many pagan paths to the divine as there are people – but as with anything else in life, you only get out what you put in. so make the effort1 a spirituality that is merely tagged on to your existing life is shallow, ephemeral illusion. Put the real work in – I guarantee it’ll be worth it
Biarki
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Originally posted 2010-07-31 07:23:03. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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